Showing Up

I like seeing results and having testimonies when I pray.  

I like knowing what God is doing and easily hearing His voice. 

I like seeing the fruit.

But right now I'm smack dab in the middle of a hard season, recovering from an intense year of ministry, and I'm not experiencing any of those things.  

I want energy- spiritual, emotional, and physical- to fight for revival in Amsterdam!  But I don't have it and I often wonder why God has me here right now.

I'm learning sometimes it's about just showing up.  God opened the door for me to be here, provided the money, and here I am.  Sometimes it's just about presence-- God's presence of course, but mine too.  I am here because He led me here.  He says there is a purpose.  Even though I can't see it right now, I believe God is using my physical presence to shift atmospheres everywhere I walk- the grocery store, the red light district, the train station.  He tells me He is actually a lot more concerned about the spiritual realm of this city, because what happens in the spiritual will affect the physical.  He tells me it's less about what I see and more about what is happening inside hearts. 

Even in me- He is bringing restoration even when I can't feel it.  He is rearranging the furniture of my heart; shifting, transitioning.  He says He is cultivating more authority in me, and taking me deeper than I've gone before. It's awkward and clumsy and I can't really explain what He's doing, but I trust His heart for me.  And that releases me to just be.