More of Him.

This week I am realizing more than ever that on my own I can do nothing.  I can't even be compassionate or kind or love someone well on my own.  And the only way I'm going to be effective in this ministry- or anywhere, really- is Him in me.

So my focus during this season is not trying to love better, or trying to do anything on my own (although my flesh so quickly reverts back to this religious striving).

My focus is intimacy with the Father.  Because the closer I get to Him, the more effective I will be in ministry.  Jesus' power and authority came because He obeyed everything the Father told Him to do, because He was fully, perfectly united to His Father's will.

My power in ministry, my level of anointing, the favor of God on my life- that all comes only as I fall more deeply in love with my Beloved.  I can't work harder, strive more, or do everything right.  He is all I have to offer- and I can only offer Him when I know Him.  Ministry to Him- worship, intercession, time in His presence- that's my primary ministry.  That will always be my primary ministry.  Because ministry to other people can only ever happen in a powerful way if I am first ministering to His heart.  I wasn't created for other people, I was created for Him.

So I tell Him that I will do all that it takes to know Him more.  Waking up when it's still dark and I'm still tired.  Obeying even when I don't understand.  Stepping out in faith when I don't know how He will answer, or if I will look like a fool.  And even being willing to lose all respect from other people if it means gaining more of Him.

My spirit cries out...because if I want anything in this life, it's to know Him more.
I won't ever be satisfied.

"The favor of God sometimes looks different from the perspective of earth than from heaven.  My request for more of God carries a price.  God wants to make an exchange- His increased presence for my dignity." -Bill Johnson