Hey there, friends! It's been awhile since I've updated; I tend to forget about my blog when I'm back on American soil and life feels more 'normal'- whatever that is.
Since coming back from Amsterdam, God has really been focusing me on my hometown, Lancaster. And ever since I've been back, Daddy has been opening incredible doors with local anti-trafficking ministries and connecting me with like-minded people!
But despite all that, the past few weeks have been a struggle-- me feeling so ready to get out and do ministry again, so ready to see all the miracles He's promised to work in the prostitution industry here. And feeling frustrated because I didn't really know how to get started here. It's one thing to be in Thailand where you just find a bar street and sweetly "Sawadee-kah!" the working ladies, or to walk a few blocks till you hit the red light districts in Europe and ask God who you should talk to. It's a bit harder in a place where prostitution is hidden and underground.
After a few weeks of wrestling, Jesus began impressing on my heart that simply resting is okay. He kept reassuring me that He was orchestrating all the details-- that the divine appointments He was setting up were proof of His leading.
And then, through a friend, He spoke clearly: "Don't let your joy be based on your doing. Because then the minute you stop doing, you've lost your joy. Find your joy in resting in Me. Find your joy in worship. More than anything, that's what I want from you."
I soon realized that although I like to think of myself as a Mary, the truth is a lot of times I'm Martha. I base my perceived worth in Jesus' eyes on my performance, on my ministry, on the good things I'm doing, when all He's looking for is my love.
As this revelation sank deep into my soul, I began to release my need to perform, and I found greater freedom and peace. He's leading, and all I need to do is love.
{And I daresay I've got the better end of the deal.}
The cool thing is that as I've been learning to rest, to abide, to worship- He's been busy orchestrating even more... like a Friday night outside of Harrisburg praying and prophesying over strip clubs and adult stores. And Jesus so clearly spoke out His purposes for justice and redemption over those places-- His heart for them to be safe homes and rehab centers and churches. His heart for everyone to be saved, His love for the very worst of sinners.
And He's been stoking the fires in my heart even more for local outreach...and giving me glimpses of what it will look like. It's gonna be glorious, because it's His!
Since coming back from Amsterdam, God has really been focusing me on my hometown, Lancaster. And ever since I've been back, Daddy has been opening incredible doors with local anti-trafficking ministries and connecting me with like-minded people!
But despite all that, the past few weeks have been a struggle-- me feeling so ready to get out and do ministry again, so ready to see all the miracles He's promised to work in the prostitution industry here. And feeling frustrated because I didn't really know how to get started here. It's one thing to be in Thailand where you just find a bar street and sweetly "Sawadee-kah!" the working ladies, or to walk a few blocks till you hit the red light districts in Europe and ask God who you should talk to. It's a bit harder in a place where prostitution is hidden and underground.
After a few weeks of wrestling, Jesus began impressing on my heart that simply resting is okay. He kept reassuring me that He was orchestrating all the details-- that the divine appointments He was setting up were proof of His leading.
And then, through a friend, He spoke clearly: "Don't let your joy be based on your doing. Because then the minute you stop doing, you've lost your joy. Find your joy in resting in Me. Find your joy in worship. More than anything, that's what I want from you."
I soon realized that although I like to think of myself as a Mary, the truth is a lot of times I'm Martha. I base my perceived worth in Jesus' eyes on my performance, on my ministry, on the good things I'm doing, when all He's looking for is my love.
As this revelation sank deep into my soul, I began to release my need to perform, and I found greater freedom and peace. He's leading, and all I need to do is love.
{And I daresay I've got the better end of the deal.}
The cool thing is that as I've been learning to rest, to abide, to worship- He's been busy orchestrating even more... like a Friday night outside of Harrisburg praying and prophesying over strip clubs and adult stores. And Jesus so clearly spoke out His purposes for justice and redemption over those places-- His heart for them to be safe homes and rehab centers and churches. His heart for everyone to be saved, His love for the very worst of sinners.
This is awesome! PRAISE JESUS!
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes! Oh Abby I love how God is teaching us the same lessons in different places. I can't wait to join forces with you and rest in his timing for what he's got planned. It's going to be grand! *all for his glory*
ReplyDeleteHi, I found your blog while randomly googling, and I'm so glad God led me here. I love your heart and what you're doing and what God is doing through you. I just wanted to let you know that God is using your words to bless strangers (or long-lost sisters!) and that I'll definitely be following your journey more.
ReplyDeleteI'm a student at IHOPU in Kansas City (well, I'm doing the eschool now, I'll be moving to KC in less than two weeks!!) and I blog at www.fragrancearise.wordpress.com.
--Hang on, scratch that. I literally have scribbled on my class notes right here on the desk in front of me, "I'm an INTERCESSOR who takes classes, not a student who prays." That's a new mindset for me, so you're officially the first person I'm introducing myself to in that way. Hello, I'm Caitlyn, and I am an intercessor. :)
Hi Caitlyn, thanks for your comment! Wonderful to "meet" you. I love what you said about being an intercessor- so good. Blessings as you study at IHOP! I'll have to check out your blog... :)
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