Strength for the messy days

Some days I'm a mess.

Like trying to do a wedding registry with my fiance Tim, after just getting over the flu and still feeling weak and tired.  I was grouchy and overwhelmed and just wanted to check it off my to-do list. I walked around Target looking more like a depressed person than a soon-to-be bride.  

A few hours later when we were finally in his car, the tears started.  "This was supposed to be a fun thing for us and I ruined it!  And all this wedding planning is supposed to be fun, but I'm just overwhelmed and want it to be over!"  Tim said it was okay and that he loves me even when I'm grumpy and not fun to be around...

But the next morning, I took it to Jesus because I still felt frustrated.  I hated feeling weak, being tired a lot, getting easily overwhelmed by wedding planning.  I hated always looking forward to 'after the wedding' rather than enjoying this engagement period.  

And this is what He told me:

"Your weakness- physical, emotional, being overwhelmed- seem like a disadvantage.  But in My Reality they are simply opportunities to trust Me more.  You need Me more in this season than some other people would.  This is My gift to you!  I am with you in this every step of the way.  You are not alone for a second!  Even in the messy things of this season, I am training your spirit to be fully dependent on Me."

And suddenly deep in my spirit, I knew that if I always felt strong and capable, I would be fine on my own.  But my weakness creates space for Jesus to enter into whatever I'm dealing with, to show up and be my strength.  And when I am depending on Him as my strength (because I feel too weak to do it on my own), then my spirit is connecting with Him and I am learning deeper dependence and trust.  And suddenly weakness feels more like a blessing than a curse.  It's like He's whispering a secret in my ear, telling me that we have something special because He'll show up and cover for my inadequacies. 

So now, when my day is extra busy or I feel stressed out, I can rest and invite Jesus into that moment- invite Him to show me how to use my time, invite Him to bring peace, invite Him to deal with things as I release them.  And it makes all the difference.

thankful for my redheaded warrior who fights for me!