For several months now, I've been on a journey of desiring a filling of the Holy Spirit. Yes, I believed I had some of the Holy Spirit in my life, but I wanted more. I wanted every area of my life to be under the Spirit's control; I wanted my every action, word, thought to be governed by Him. I wanted to be baptized, I wanted to be filled.
In India, God brought me to a place of resting in Him...still pursuing the Holy Spirit, yet trusting that just as an imperfect father wants to give good gifts to his children, so does my heavenly Dad desire to give me His Spirit-gift. He wants to give it even more than I want to receive it. Which must be a whole lot.
Saturday night I was really struggling with despair and hopelessness over some issues... I was angry- angry at sin, angry at fallen people. I wanted to fix the problems, to wipe away the tears, but I couldn't. And I felt God's call- a call to surrender the pain. Again. Surrender so He could work in bigger ways than I can even fathom. As I processed and cried on my friend Janelle, and she whispered truth into my heart, I began to see a tiny ray of light. Hope.
I asked her to pray for me...and to pray specifically for more of the Holy Spirit in my life.
She anointed me with oil and laid hands on me and prayed. For peace, for anointing. For the Holy Spirit. And I let her words, God's words, penetrate my heart, knowing it was Truth. Choosing to accept God's call on my life, however hard it might be.
I was expecting, I wanted, a big, powerful experience. It wasn't like that... but I was filled with peace and joy like I have never experienced before. The situation was exactly the same- nothing had changed. Except my outlook. I was seeing with Holy-Spirit-eyes, and there was Life. Joy- I just throw back my head and belly-laugh these days- because I feel God working in my heart, I feel more of God in me, and I know this is only the beginning. Because yes, life is still hard, but if God can use my pain and my story to bring glory to Himself- it's all worth it.
(...cuz a Holy Ghost party don't stop!)
In India, God brought me to a place of resting in Him...still pursuing the Holy Spirit, yet trusting that just as an imperfect father wants to give good gifts to his children, so does my heavenly Dad desire to give me His Spirit-gift. He wants to give it even more than I want to receive it. Which must be a whole lot.
Saturday night I was really struggling with despair and hopelessness over some issues... I was angry- angry at sin, angry at fallen people. I wanted to fix the problems, to wipe away the tears, but I couldn't. And I felt God's call- a call to surrender the pain. Again. Surrender so He could work in bigger ways than I can even fathom. As I processed and cried on my friend Janelle, and she whispered truth into my heart, I began to see a tiny ray of light. Hope.
I asked her to pray for me...and to pray specifically for more of the Holy Spirit in my life.
She anointed me with oil and laid hands on me and prayed. For peace, for anointing. For the Holy Spirit. And I let her words, God's words, penetrate my heart, knowing it was Truth. Choosing to accept God's call on my life, however hard it might be.
I was expecting, I wanted, a big, powerful experience. It wasn't like that... but I was filled with peace and joy like I have never experienced before. The situation was exactly the same- nothing had changed. Except my outlook. I was seeing with Holy-Spirit-eyes, and there was Life. Joy- I just throw back my head and belly-laugh these days- because I feel God working in my heart, I feel more of God in me, and I know this is only the beginning. Because yes, life is still hard, but if God can use my pain and my story to bring glory to Himself- it's all worth it.
(...cuz a Holy Ghost party don't stop!)
Wow! Just WOW! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI know it's been a long time since LBS... but I've been following your blog. You inspire me!!! Be courageous!! ~Geneva
ReplyDeleteAIN’T NO PARTAY LIKE A HOLY GHOST PARTY!!
ReplyDeleteI’ve been throwing my head back and laughing here in the midst of all this girls camp conflict...
SO COOL!